Maybe you’ve noticed. My blog has been a wee-bit silent lately.
Sometimes it feels easier to write a few sentences for an Instagram post than to write a few paragraphs for a blog post. Anyone feel that way? I do.
I’ve posted things here and there but not at the frequency that I’m used to. The absolute truth of the matter is that I have needed to choose. Between a blog and my ability to connect with the humans in my home and rest.
There are a few things every human needs that writing a blog post (or doing fill-in-the blank) can’t deliver. They are:
SELF-REFLECTION, HUMAN CONNECTION and REST
I just finished listening to Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. I appreciate the way she tells stories and I can relate the breakneck performance driven pace so many of us willingly keep but quietly hate. I too desire for deep relationships and the recovery our soul, I long for creation, dinners around the table, walks with friends, books that lead to naps that lead to coffee…prayer in the quiet spaces, in rest. It was soooooo good to be invited back into that. If you need that, you should read or listen to the book.
I know at my core that self-reflection, connection, and rest are directly tied to the peace I long for, they always have been.
In college, I was invited by my mentor to embrace life as it’s defined. You can come up with one million metaphors to describe what life is, but at the end of the day, life is one and only one thing: NOW.
It’s in the present that we can practice whatever it is that bring our souls to life again. And, God set us up to have what we need…in God’s love, in each other, in restful recovery.
I like what Johann Hari says about addiction–his research suggests that sometimes the thing that we are looking for isn’t found in the opposite but found in the things we’re wired to need.
“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It’s human connection.”
I think the same is true of any inner struggle we face. When faced with a struggle, the solution isn’t necessary the opposite. It’s something MORE. It’s space to know yourself, to connect and safe with your truly human self.
I have so many things I want to share on this blog. And I fight the urge every day to sit down and write more. But the things needed to wait. They needed to sit in the dark with me. Because it feels like that’s where I was sitting for a couple of years. Coming out of that dark space is a slow process. We’re tempted to do the same things we always did knowing that they could land us in the place where we never want to be again.
We intentionally move forward, make changes, and rise strong…slowly.
I can’t wait to write more. But slow. But timing. But nothing is worth the price of my soul.
Even when it’s tempting and there are so many things on my list to write about…like,
- the surgery I just had and why I had it and how it’s both hilarious and heartbreaking to talk about
- about how much I care about my siblings more than I ever have in my life (and why)
- about why I think youth ministry relationships are one of the most beautiful expressions of grace in a kids life
- what happens when you say “yes” to things even when you know your body, mind, and spirit need to say “no”
- what it feels like to be disappointed with people and ministry and life and even your grocery store for not carrying the old deep dish pizza you used to eat in college (not that I’m still bitter about it 16 years later)
- how marriage is so good and hard and good and worth it
- how friendships are equally exciting and terrifying to navigate and why we should keep trying
- about wins I’m experiencing in our family, in our new church plant that is literally just a few days old, in our CHURCH globally, in our community, and why we transitioned our kids out of public school (two days ago)
But I can’t write about any of that with integrity if my soul is dying and not able to keep pace with the speed of my life.
So, I may be saying no to you today. Even though I love you. I may not be able to go to the Outcry Tour or to see JohnnySwim at the SiloBration (even though I would love more than anything for that to be my birthday present). I may pass up a writing assignment or an opportunity to speak when LeCrae is the headline. I may say no to perfectly good things because I want to keep being a good thing.
For me and for you.
I want to be available to a few so my life can make an impact and add value.
I want to rest and recover and start Monday’s like my hair is on fire, because I actually like life when it is full and brimming and exciting and fast. So rest days will come first, so on-fire days can come next.
Maybe that’s what all of us need. A time and a place and permission to disconnect from the things that beg you to stay in motion—long enough to reflect, connect, and rest.
If that’s what you need then consider this your “i-love-you-because-your-reading-this-and-probably-needing-this” permission.